Have you ever been misunderstood by the one person who is supposed to get you and it's so bad that he assumes you meant one thing and you totally didn't and then he starts becoming this anal jerk who keeps acting like you are such a horrible person and that you always(nobody ALWAYS anything)act a certain way, so much so that he thinks he has to pre-empt things by being a jerk again, and then he can't even listen to reason and he does things that he accuses you of doing but yet he can't or won't see that he is doing them himself and that it all is just causing this huge rift that you don't even know anymore if you even want it to be fixed, and you just want to wrap your hands around his neck and squeeze until his eyes bug out, and then since you have his attention, then you can start to talk about things except that you see he took off his wedding ring and you keep thinking that if that's all it takes to make things over, wow, what the hell have we been struggling for if at the drop of a hat we give in after all these years, and if you can't be heard and not judged and backed up once in a while that you don't want to feel like you could just walk away and never look back and start all over w/a new list of things that you will never settle for and does counseling really work or is it too late and that this person should just trust you by now because he's never had any reason not to, and know that you can't force things and the more that you do the more defiant I get and it makes me crazy to be told to do something or to even be expected and then you think how did I get myself into this and what in the sam hill was I thinking and that you can't handle it and you just want to go into a closet and mysteriously disappear?
No. Oh. Ok then.
Friday, June 30, 2006
Thursday, June 29, 2006
My Piano
This weekend my uncle delivered my mom's piano to me! My mom gave it to my aunt, and I always told her if she didn't want it anymore to please, let me have. The time has come! I have always loved this piano. My mom would sit and play hymns on it. I took lessons for about a year, and went through 4 or 5 books, but I am sad to say, I didn't continue. One of a few things I regret.
Anyway, I am so happy to it in my home now. I found out that my grandparents had given it to my mom when she was about 18, I think she said. I always thought it was something her and my dad bought. So, now it is even more special that she's had it since she was a teenager. I hope to get it tuned and then start taking lessons again.
It's one of those things though that makes me aprehensive because I always loved how my mom could play and what if I don't get it? What if when I play she is cringing inside because I'm doing it wrong? Yes, we've already covered that I am a perfectionist, and then to add to that a skill that my mom has perfected, at least in my mind, forget it. That's why I never took sewing. My mom is an excellent seamtress. She took up quilting a while back and she makes the neatest quilts. I only recently learned how to hem my pants, which I would be MORTIFIED if she ever turned up the hem to look at the job I've done! Not because it's bad, but because I don't want to disappoint her.
Anyway, we will see when and if I can't get some lessons in. I'm just happy to have it sitting in my living room against my terracotta walls!
Thank you Aunt Cindy and especially Uncle Larry for bringing it to me from St. Louis.
Tuesday, June 27, 2006
The Hurricane
I can't believe my little boy turned 6 yesterday and I didn't even blog it. Maybe it's because I keep hoping if I ignore it, it will go away? It's so hard for me to be happy when my kids have a birthday. I am very thankful that they are healthy and growing, but I hate that they have to keep getting older! Not only for the fact that it means that I, too, am getting older, but I just wish I could keep them in a bubble. My little Hurricane has lost all baby fat and he looks like a BOY now. He's not a toddler, or even a little guy so much anymore. He's still way adorable and sweet, but he keeps asking when he will start first grade. I'm not ready to have him in first grade and a middle schooler on top of that?!!! It's too much for me to handle.
Last night when he came to say goodnight to me, he put his little hand on the top of my head and was playing w/my hair. It was such a grown up gesture. Excuse me while I hide in the bathroom and cry...
I'm very proud of my little guy and I love him so much it hurts! Since I can't keep it from happening I guess we might as well celebrate. So, once again we are venturing out to a pizza place that kids love to go to and parents take them only because they love their kids so much and can't say no. Besides, I don't know that they will want to go there for very much longer, and that means that they will be getting even more mature and want to do grown up things, which eventually then they won't want to be with the family at all. I think we'll just make Chuck E. Cheese a tradition and I don't care how old they get, that will be their birthday dinner! After all, the only reason people have kids is to do the housecleaning and to have someone to publicly humiliate, right? :)
Last night when he came to say goodnight to me, he put his little hand on the top of my head and was playing w/my hair. It was such a grown up gesture. Excuse me while I hide in the bathroom and cry...
I'm very proud of my little guy and I love him so much it hurts! Since I can't keep it from happening I guess we might as well celebrate. So, once again we are venturing out to a pizza place that kids love to go to and parents take them only because they love their kids so much and can't say no. Besides, I don't know that they will want to go there for very much longer, and that means that they will be getting even more mature and want to do grown up things, which eventually then they won't want to be with the family at all. I think we'll just make Chuck E. Cheese a tradition and I don't care how old they get, that will be their birthday dinner! After all, the only reason people have kids is to do the housecleaning and to have someone to publicly humiliate, right? :)
Saturday, June 24, 2006
Relay
Last night we did the Relay for Life w/my company. We raise money for cancer awareness and there is a 12 hour marathon that goes on at Balloon Fiesta Park. We put together a team and have someone on the field for each hour walking the track. At the opening ceremony they have different people speakering and we sing the National Anthem and then all the survivors take a victory lap. It's always amazing to me all the different types of people that are out there. Some are older, some are teenagers, some are moms and dads w/young kids. It's an important cause and I appreciate that our company contributes.
We usually pick a theme and then dress up. This year was the '50's.
It was so much fun to wear a poodle skirt and saddle shoes! My mom made skirts for my friend and I. I haven't decided if I will post the pictures yet.
Anyway, the picture I did post is of Trish Hoffman and her fiance. Trish is our spokeswoman for APD. She is such a neat person! Her and her fiance were very gracious and she signed Hurricane's t-shirt for Rele. She is the one who escorted the bug-eyed runaway bride through the airport. She also reminds us Deputy Clementine Johnson from Reno 911!
We had a good time and it was for a good cause. See ya again next year!
Wednesday, June 21, 2006
Green chile
Since my last post was so heavy, and only a few minutes ago, I feel the need for some humor.
I gotta tell ya, that when we were on "the island," and before we bought groceries for the week, Rele went to wrangle some dinner for us. He came back a little perturbed because he had gone to Pizza Hut and ordered a pizza w/pineapple and green chile and the people didn't know what he was talking about. How rude are the people here?!
We just don't always realize that the rest of the country hasn't discovered the bliss of green chile. On everything. Of course that's not really surprising when the rest of the country doesn't think we even BELONG to the U.S.A., but I digress.
So, they offered to jalapenos on our pizza. Can you even imagine?!
That is something to consider though, if we decide to move out of state. How will we sustain our green chile supply? Can we afford the overnight shipping costs? How often will we need to come back for real Huevos Rancheros w/green, or w/green and red chile? Not to mention sopaipillas that are only available here because of the altitude. If we decide to talk to any of our neighbors will we have to share? These are important questions my friend.
I gotta tell ya, that when we were on "the island," and before we bought groceries for the week, Rele went to wrangle some dinner for us. He came back a little perturbed because he had gone to Pizza Hut and ordered a pizza w/pineapple and green chile and the people didn't know what he was talking about. How rude are the people here?!
We just don't always realize that the rest of the country hasn't discovered the bliss of green chile. On everything. Of course that's not really surprising when the rest of the country doesn't think we even BELONG to the U.S.A., but I digress.
So, they offered to jalapenos on our pizza. Can you even imagine?!
That is something to consider though, if we decide to move out of state. How will we sustain our green chile supply? Can we afford the overnight shipping costs? How often will we need to come back for real Huevos Rancheros w/green, or w/green and red chile? Not to mention sopaipillas that are only available here because of the altitude. If we decide to talk to any of our neighbors will we have to share? These are important questions my friend.
Life
I found out tonight that a friend of my family's, someone who used to babysit us when we were kids, is going through a really rough time. She is in her second marriage and it looks like it is over.
Not only because he beat her up this weekend and his daughter called 911 on him, no, no, that's not all. Apparently he has been out of a job since Aug. of last year. He has stolen jewelry from her, he got a tattoo "for his new job" and has been frequently out of town on "business trips" for a job he got fired from for drinking! I feel for her and what kinds of things must be going through her mind. She can't even make a clean break because she was advised to make sure he had a job before divorcing or else she might have to pay him alimony. WTSH?*
She and I went through our first divorce at almost the same time. Her first husband was cheating and mine was a drug addict. I ended up at her house one time because I just couldn't run to my parents, again, and I just didn't want him to know where I was. We aren't real close but we certainly had a lot to talk about and, at a time when I felt so ashamed and that no one knew what I was going through, it was such a relief to talk to someone who had also grown up in church but knew what it was like not to have things work out the way you thought.
It all just makes me so sad because it is bringing up all these old emotions and I think it also scares me, because what's to say that it won't happen to any one of us? I am so thankful for my husband and I know that I can trust him, but I think w/anyone who has been betrayed and lied to, you always feel like in the back of your mind that it could happen again. Yet w/each year that we stick together and build a life, I gain hope for our future together.
I also get angry all over again, because why should she have to pay him alimony? She is the one w/a steady job. She has taken care of their son and his daughter. They got custody of his daughter and she was 2 or 3 grades behind in school, she had no real social skills and she was starving for attention. This woman took her in, tutored her to where she not only caught up but is an honor roll student. She gave her a home and Godly example and a family.
It took me a long time to turn my anger over to God and know, that while it always looked like I was being punished for being responsible, that in the end, the ex wouldn't win. It was very hard for me to trust in the scripture that vengence was God's and not mine. I know now that no matter what we could ever come up with to punish people, it will never compare to when we will have to answer to our Heavenly Father for what we have done.
My prayer is that while this whole thing is just getting started for her, that she would know how much she is loved and will trust in God to see her through. I pray that she will have wisdom in making decisions regarding her marriage and her children.
His anger lasts for a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime!
Weeping may go on all night,
but joy comes in the morning.
Psalm 30:5
*my side note is WTSH? stands for What the Sam Hill? because I try not to say the eff word even in abbreviation(Yes, I know that I am a major spaz.)
Not only because he beat her up this weekend and his daughter called 911 on him, no, no, that's not all. Apparently he has been out of a job since Aug. of last year. He has stolen jewelry from her, he got a tattoo "for his new job" and has been frequently out of town on "business trips" for a job he got fired from for drinking! I feel for her and what kinds of things must be going through her mind. She can't even make a clean break because she was advised to make sure he had a job before divorcing or else she might have to pay him alimony. WTSH?*
She and I went through our first divorce at almost the same time. Her first husband was cheating and mine was a drug addict. I ended up at her house one time because I just couldn't run to my parents, again, and I just didn't want him to know where I was. We aren't real close but we certainly had a lot to talk about and, at a time when I felt so ashamed and that no one knew what I was going through, it was such a relief to talk to someone who had also grown up in church but knew what it was like not to have things work out the way you thought.
It all just makes me so sad because it is bringing up all these old emotions and I think it also scares me, because what's to say that it won't happen to any one of us? I am so thankful for my husband and I know that I can trust him, but I think w/anyone who has been betrayed and lied to, you always feel like in the back of your mind that it could happen again. Yet w/each year that we stick together and build a life, I gain hope for our future together.
I also get angry all over again, because why should she have to pay him alimony? She is the one w/a steady job. She has taken care of their son and his daughter. They got custody of his daughter and she was 2 or 3 grades behind in school, she had no real social skills and she was starving for attention. This woman took her in, tutored her to where she not only caught up but is an honor roll student. She gave her a home and Godly example and a family.
It took me a long time to turn my anger over to God and know, that while it always looked like I was being punished for being responsible, that in the end, the ex wouldn't win. It was very hard for me to trust in the scripture that vengence was God's and not mine. I know now that no matter what we could ever come up with to punish people, it will never compare to when we will have to answer to our Heavenly Father for what we have done.
My prayer is that while this whole thing is just getting started for her, that she would know how much she is loved and will trust in God to see her through. I pray that she will have wisdom in making decisions regarding her marriage and her children.
His anger lasts for a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime!
Weeping may go on all night,
but joy comes in the morning.
Psalm 30:5
*my side note is WTSH? stands for What the Sam Hill? because I try not to say the eff word even in abbreviation(Yes, I know that I am a major spaz.)
Sunday, June 18, 2006
Cake update
Well, here it is. I'm no Martha Stewart, thank goodness.I did end up punching the chips into the cake anyway. We'll see how it looks once it gets cut!
Writer's Block
When I was thinking about starting a blog I had so many thoughts on what I would write about. Now that I finally have one. Nothing. When I was a kid I always thought I would grow up to be an author because I loved reading and writing and all my teachers always said what a great imagination I had. Real world translation: she is going to grow up to some kind of psycho freak, borderline conspiracy theorist!
Anyway, I just wanted to let anyone know who might be interested that I posted some of our vacation pictures on myspace. www.myspace.com/abqchunk.
Speaking of, while on our 16 HOUR drive home, Rele had his earphones surgically attached to his ears, so I was left to my own devices. Why is it that out in the middle of nowhere can you still get the mexican stations? If I was into Tejano, I would have had it made! I did find for a while, though a station that was playing 80's. I heard Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam! Madonna's "Like a Virgin" and Wham's "Jitterbug!" So, now I am compiling a best of 80's playlist so I can pretend I'm still in mid school! So far I have:
Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam "All Cried Out" & "I Wonder If I Take You Home"
Madonna "Like a Virgen" & "True Blue"
Wham "Jitterbug"
Al B Sure-all of his songs!
LL Cool J
Stevie B
Dino
Bunny & Tigra- "Boom" (not sure of the official title)
The System-"Don't Disturb This Groove"
I can't not add songs from:
The Cure
The Ramones, I totally want to be sedated!!
Duran Duran
Faith No More
Social D
No wonder I didn't get along w/people in school. What kind of freak listens to Al B Sure AND The Cure?! It's still going to be a fun cd!
Today is Father's Day, so Happy Father's Day to all the dad's. I'm making my dad a cake that is supposed to look like a watermelon, except that when I pulled it out of the oven to cool, I realized I had left out a major ingredient. The mini chocolate chip morsels I bought at $3 a bag to act as seeds!!! I'm such an idiot and I don't have cake making skills!!!
It's a pink cake and it will have pink icing w/green around the sides. Now that I write it down, it sounds totally lame. I promise it will be cool and he likes watermelon so I probably should have just bought a watermelon and stuck a candle in it...
Anyway, I just wanted to let anyone know who might be interested that I posted some of our vacation pictures on myspace. www.myspace.com/abqchunk.
Speaking of, while on our 16 HOUR drive home, Rele had his earphones surgically attached to his ears, so I was left to my own devices. Why is it that out in the middle of nowhere can you still get the mexican stations? If I was into Tejano, I would have had it made! I did find for a while, though a station that was playing 80's. I heard Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam! Madonna's "Like a Virgin" and Wham's "Jitterbug!" So, now I am compiling a best of 80's playlist so I can pretend I'm still in mid school! So far I have:
Lisa Lisa & Cult Jam "All Cried Out" & "I Wonder If I Take You Home"
Madonna "Like a Virgen" & "True Blue"
Wham "Jitterbug"
Al B Sure-all of his songs!
LL Cool J
Stevie B
Dino
Bunny & Tigra- "Boom" (not sure of the official title)
The System-"Don't Disturb This Groove"
I can't not add songs from:
The Cure
The Ramones, I totally want to be sedated!!
Duran Duran
Faith No More
Social D
No wonder I didn't get along w/people in school. What kind of freak listens to Al B Sure AND The Cure?! It's still going to be a fun cd!
Today is Father's Day, so Happy Father's Day to all the dad's. I'm making my dad a cake that is supposed to look like a watermelon, except that when I pulled it out of the oven to cool, I realized I had left out a major ingredient. The mini chocolate chip morsels I bought at $3 a bag to act as seeds!!! I'm such an idiot and I don't have cake making skills!!!
It's a pink cake and it will have pink icing w/green around the sides. Now that I write it down, it sounds totally lame. I promise it will be cool and he likes watermelon so I probably should have just bought a watermelon and stuck a candle in it...
Wednesday, June 14, 2006
Home
We are home. We are tanned and have sand in interesting places. Still. We swam our little hearts out. We ate food, food, and more food. Rele ate oysters and frog legs and crab. We hunted for sand crabs by the moonlight. We napped. We boogie boarded and jumped wave after wave in warm water. We collected a gazillion shells. We found balled up manta rays that looked like big ol' slugs.
We visited w/family. We shopped. We swam in the ocean and then more swimming in the pool.
Rele fished and caught four or five that he painstakingly cleaned and then never ate. We spent NINE whole days together! We spent a total of at least 35 HOURS in a car. We shared one bathroom. My hair was one big frizz ball. OH-MY-WORD I am back at work today!!!
No, the trip wasn't bad. The kids overall, did very well for all the time spent in the car. Instead of fighting they would get a case of the giggles, which did you know can be just as irritating?
They loved the beach and the ocean and loved being outside. The weather was in the high 90's all week w/a humidity level of 100% but the kids never complained about being hot. Even when little Hurricane got blisters on his feet from his flip flops, he was at the beach making sand castles and valiantly tried to go into the water but the salt stung too much. Our little condo was decorated very modern and was comfortable and fully furnished. I got to see my little brother, who I miss very much, and he brought his adorable girlfriend. We got to visit w/my grandma Socrite who I love so much and her sister, Emily, who I love just as much and my second cuz, Rose Marie who is so pretty and who I am trying to get to come visit the desert.
On the way home, we got to stop in San Antonio and walked the River Walk. We walked through Coyote Ugly. I didn't get to get up on the bar, three kids in tow and all...
We ate at the Rainforest Cafe. We did a pit stop in Kerrville, my future hometown. ;)
I finally got my eggrolls from Jack in the Box! I love those things.
I have not found a place yet, that can even come close to J in the B's eggrolls! We don't have any here, so I have to wait for trips to TX or AZ to get my fix.
We had a great time and hopefully we will go back next year. It will probably take that long for our finances to recover...
We visited w/family. We shopped. We swam in the ocean and then more swimming in the pool.
Rele fished and caught four or five that he painstakingly cleaned and then never ate. We spent NINE whole days together! We spent a total of at least 35 HOURS in a car. We shared one bathroom. My hair was one big frizz ball. OH-MY-WORD I am back at work today!!!
No, the trip wasn't bad. The kids overall, did very well for all the time spent in the car. Instead of fighting they would get a case of the giggles, which did you know can be just as irritating?
They loved the beach and the ocean and loved being outside. The weather was in the high 90's all week w/a humidity level of 100% but the kids never complained about being hot. Even when little Hurricane got blisters on his feet from his flip flops, he was at the beach making sand castles and valiantly tried to go into the water but the salt stung too much. Our little condo was decorated very modern and was comfortable and fully furnished. I got to see my little brother, who I miss very much, and he brought his adorable girlfriend. We got to visit w/my grandma Socrite who I love so much and her sister, Emily, who I love just as much and my second cuz, Rose Marie who is so pretty and who I am trying to get to come visit the desert.
On the way home, we got to stop in San Antonio and walked the River Walk. We walked through Coyote Ugly. I didn't get to get up on the bar, three kids in tow and all...
We ate at the Rainforest Cafe. We did a pit stop in Kerrville, my future hometown. ;)
I finally got my eggrolls from Jack in the Box! I love those things.
I have not found a place yet, that can even come close to J in the B's eggrolls! We don't have any here, so I have to wait for trips to TX or AZ to get my fix.
We had a great time and hopefully we will go back next year. It will probably take that long for our finances to recover...
Thursday, June 08, 2006
SPI
So, we're here on South Padre Island on our first family vacation. Travis and I have been here before so we knew how much fun it would be. Rele, just wanted to be at the ocean and I think he's been surprised at how much he likes it here in South TX. Our trips to Mexico were a tough act to follow, but SPI comes pretty close. The Hurricane and TaylarDayne are enjoying their very first visit to an ocean. The kids have been collecting seashells like crazy! Guess what everyones souvenirs are going to be...
We did have to venture into Walmart in Port Isabel, and yes they are all the same. I forgot how different people are in South TX. Not really bad, but less friendly. You know what they say, Texas is a whole other country.
Well, I will write more soon. Right now the beach is calling...
We did have to venture into Walmart in Port Isabel, and yes they are all the same. I forgot how different people are in South TX. Not really bad, but less friendly. You know what they say, Texas is a whole other country.
Well, I will write more soon. Right now the beach is calling...
Thursday, June 01, 2006
Here kitty, kitty
It looks like I may have solved the cat problem w/out even having to resort to violence. Which I would never do anyway, and if I did, I certainly wouldn't post it on the internet where there would be written evidence of my actions. I looked up, via the internet, cat repellent and I came across a gardner's forum. I don't know how long I read it, but it was a while and I finally had to make myself break away, so I could do something productive, like feed the kids.
So, among the many suggestions I considered, spreading coffee grounds was one that appealed to me because Rele drinks coffee so there would be no need to spend more money on someone else's ^$$#%$^*&^(* cat. I got a plate and dumped his coffee filter contents on it and left it on the counter to dry. No big deal except that I also had a plate in the refrigerator w/a black banana defrosting on it. (When bananas are past their prime I freeze them to use in banana bread later. Look, my mom does it, so I do it. Don't judge.)
So, when Rele gets up and heads to the fridge for something to eat, he is confronted w/a black banana. Then, when he goes to fill his coffee pot there's a plate on the counter w/a black blob. I think he was a bit traumatized and once again has affirmed that he has married a woman who is slightly crazy.
Anyway, I endured a lot of doubt and heckling from Rele. Never the less, I went out that night w/my dried coffee grounds and sprinkled them on my porch and my feather covered ladybug welcome mat. I proceeded to sprinkle them on the rest of the porch and who do I come across?
Yes, the #@$^^%*J$%^#$cat! Sleeping on our porch swing!!!! He's lucky he had the skills of a ninja because I would have twisted his head until his eyes popped and then...
Moving on. After screaming and stomping I calmed down and I sprinkled the heck out of the swing and everything else until I could sprinkle no more.
So? How did it go? My name is abqchunk and I have been carcass free for three days now!
It looked like the coffee was working. Three wonderful days of no feathers flying around my front door, no blood smears on my porch, no sketchy cats sleeping on my swing. And then this morning when I went to leave, there it was. No, not a bird but a big ol' slimy turd on the driveway right behind my Jeep!
I guess it's a token of how he feels about being evicted. I hope he sends a message to the rest of the neighborhood that we won't tolerate squatter cats on our property!
Travieso, get the hose.
So, among the many suggestions I considered, spreading coffee grounds was one that appealed to me because Rele drinks coffee so there would be no need to spend more money on someone else's ^$$#%$^*&^(* cat. I got a plate and dumped his coffee filter contents on it and left it on the counter to dry. No big deal except that I also had a plate in the refrigerator w/a black banana defrosting on it. (When bananas are past their prime I freeze them to use in banana bread later. Look, my mom does it, so I do it. Don't judge.)
So, when Rele gets up and heads to the fridge for something to eat, he is confronted w/a black banana. Then, when he goes to fill his coffee pot there's a plate on the counter w/a black blob. I think he was a bit traumatized and once again has affirmed that he has married a woman who is slightly crazy.
Anyway, I endured a lot of doubt and heckling from Rele. Never the less, I went out that night w/my dried coffee grounds and sprinkled them on my porch and my feather covered ladybug welcome mat. I proceeded to sprinkle them on the rest of the porch and who do I come across?
Yes, the #@$^^%*J$%^#$cat! Sleeping on our porch swing!!!! He's lucky he had the skills of a ninja because I would have twisted his head until his eyes popped and then...
Moving on. After screaming and stomping I calmed down and I sprinkled the heck out of the swing and everything else until I could sprinkle no more.
So? How did it go? My name is abqchunk and I have been carcass free for three days now!
It looked like the coffee was working. Three wonderful days of no feathers flying around my front door, no blood smears on my porch, no sketchy cats sleeping on my swing. And then this morning when I went to leave, there it was. No, not a bird but a big ol' slimy turd on the driveway right behind my Jeep!
I guess it's a token of how he feels about being evicted. I hope he sends a message to the rest of the neighborhood that we won't tolerate squatter cats on our property!
Travieso, get the hose.
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