Thursday, February 08, 2007

#567-Things No One Tells You About Marriage

How Women Shower... How Men Shower
- Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper
according to lights and darks.

Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown. If you see
husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

Look at your womanly physique in the mirror * make mental
note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc.

- Get in the shower.

- Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and
pumice stone.

Wash your hair once with cucumber shampoo with 43 added vitamins.

Condition your hair with grapefruit conditioner.

Wash your face with apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.

Wash entire rest of body with vanilla kiwi body wash.

- Rinse conditioner off hair.

- Shave armpits and legs.

Turn off shower.

- Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.

- Spray mold spots with Tilex.

Get out of shower.

- Dry with towel the size of a small country.

Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.

Return to bedroom wearing dressing gown and towel on head.

- If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.


- Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and
leave them in a pile.

- Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake
wiener at her while making the woo-woo sound.

- Look at your manly physique in the mirror.

- Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt.

- Get in the shower.

- Wash your face.

- Wash your armpits.

- Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse the
snot off.

- Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.

- Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding

- Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the

- Wash your hair. Make a shampoo Mohawk.

- Pee.

- Rinse off and get out of shower.

- Partially dry off.

- Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging
out of tub the whole time.

- Admire wiener size in mirror again.

- Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan

- Return to bedroom with towel around waist.

- If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and
make the woo-woo sound again.

- Throw wet towel on her pillow.


Danielle said...

You crack me up! Some of those descriptions are SO TRUE!

McBunni said...

.....yes, so true. Except I don't know if "woo woo" is a good desciption of the wiener sound. :)