Here kitty, kitty

It looks like I may have solved the cat problem w/out even having to resort to violence. Which I would never do anyway, and if I did, I certainly wouldn't post it on the internet where there would be written evidence of my actions. I looked up, via the internet, cat repellent and I came across a gardner's forum. I don't know how long I read it, but it was a while and I finally had to make myself break away, so I could do something productive, like feed the kids.
So, among the many suggestions I considered, spreading coffee grounds was one that appealed to me because Rele drinks coffee so there would be no need to spend more money on someone else's ^$$#%$^*&^(* cat. I got a plate and dumped his coffee filter contents on it and left it on the counter to dry. No big deal except that I also had a plate in the refrigerator w/a black banana defrosting on it. (When bananas are past their prime I freeze them to use in banana bread later. Look, my mom does it, so I do it. Don't judge.)
So, when Rele gets up and heads to the fridge for something to eat, he is confronted w/a black banana. Then, when he goes to fill his coffee pot there's a plate on the counter w/a black blob. I think he was a bit traumatized and once again has affirmed that he has married a woman who is slightly crazy.
Anyway, I endured a lot of doubt and heckling from Rele. Never the less, I went out that night w/my dried coffee grounds and sprinkled them on my porch and my feather covered ladybug welcome mat. I proceeded to sprinkle them on the rest of the porch and who do I come across?
Yes, the #@$^^%*J$%^#$cat! Sleeping on our porch swing!!!! He's lucky he had the skills of a ninja because I would have twisted his head until his eyes popped and then...
Moving on. After screaming and stomping I calmed down and I sprinkled the heck out of the swing and everything else until I could sprinkle no more.
So? How did it go? My name is abqchunk and I have been carcass free for three days now!
It looked like the coffee was working. Three wonderful days of no feathers flying around my front door, no blood smears on my porch, no sketchy cats sleeping on my swing. And then this morning when I went to leave, there it was. No, not a bird but a big ol' slimy turd on the driveway right behind my Jeep!
I guess it's a token of how he feels about being evicted. I hope he sends a message to the rest of the neighborhood that we won't tolerate squatter cats on our property!
Travieso, get the hose.