Wednesday, June 21, 2006


I found out tonight that a friend of my family's, someone who used to babysit us when we were kids, is going through a really rough time. She is in her second marriage and it looks like it is over.
Not only because he beat her up this weekend and his daughter called 911 on him, no, no, that's not all. Apparently he has been out of a job since Aug. of last year. He has stolen jewelry from her, he got a tattoo "for his new job" and has been frequently out of town on "business trips" for a job he got fired from for drinking! I feel for her and what kinds of things must be going through her mind. She can't even make a clean break because she was advised to make sure he had a job before divorcing or else she might have to pay him alimony. WTSH?*
She and I went through our first divorce at almost the same time. Her first husband was cheating and mine was a drug addict. I ended up at her house one time because I just couldn't run to my parents, again, and I just didn't want him to know where I was. We aren't real close but we certainly had a lot to talk about and, at a time when I felt so ashamed and that no one knew what I was going through, it was such a relief to talk to someone who had also grown up in church but knew what it was like not to have things work out the way you thought.
It all just makes me so sad because it is bringing up all these old emotions and I think it also scares me, because what's to say that it won't happen to any one of us? I am so thankful for my husband and I know that I can trust him, but I think w/anyone who has been betrayed and lied to, you always feel like in the back of your mind that it could happen again. Yet w/each year that we stick together and build a life, I gain hope for our future together.
I also get angry all over again, because why should she have to pay him alimony? She is the one w/a steady job. She has taken care of their son and his daughter. They got custody of his daughter and she was 2 or 3 grades behind in school, she had no real social skills and she was starving for attention. This woman took her in, tutored her to where she not only caught up but is an honor roll student. She gave her a home and Godly example and a family.
It took me a long time to turn my anger over to God and know, that while it always looked like I was being punished for being responsible, that in the end, the ex wouldn't win. It was very hard for me to trust in the scripture that vengence was God's and not mine. I know now that no matter what we could ever come up with to punish people, it will never compare to when we will have to answer to our Heavenly Father for what we have done.
My prayer is that while this whole thing is just getting started for her, that she would know how much she is loved and will trust in God to see her through. I pray that she will have wisdom in making decisions regarding her marriage and her children.

His anger lasts for a moment,
but his favor lasts a lifetime!
Weeping may go on all night,
but joy comes in the morning.
Psalm 30:5

*my side note is WTSH? stands for What the Sam Hill? because I try not to say the eff word even in abbreviation(Yes, I know that I am a major spaz.)

1 comment:

UFA said...

Wow! Sounds like you got some homework. The word of God never fails, so seek in it for your advice. What does God tell you, as someone who can potentially influence this girl, to do?

...accusations, marriage, divorce theres a whole bunch there that you can study on for guidance on counseling this person. Topics that aren't silent.

It's interesting that this person was placed in your path, obviously seeking guidance...or perhaps even validation, and you might potentially have a part in influencing her decisions. It's kind of an awesome responsibility.