I went w/Hurricane H on a field trip to the Zoo. I believe the last time I went on a field trip was w/Travieso when he was in K, and we also went to the Zoo. I could be wrong and have just blocked out any memories of other field trips... So, is it a coincedence that my last field trip was 5yrs. ago? I think not.
I go to class w/H and sit down at a table to wait for instructions. A girl sits down in her spot and proceeds to tell me that she is sooooooo tired because she has to get up at 5 o'clock and that she has allergies, and blah, blah, blah. I try to listen and respond @ appropriate times but come on! I'm talking, no listening, to this 5yr. old who's going on 50! Then I have this thought about what if this person is put in my group to escort around the Zoo? What are the chances that out of 20 students, I will get her? My chances were excellent! Sure enough, H's teacher gives me my assignment and look who's name appears on my sheet. By this time, 15 min. into the whole excursion, I'm berating myself for thinking I should pass on a Frappucino. I'm tough. I won't need any caffeine.
Next, we all pile onto the bus and the noise level is pretty high considering we have smooshed three classes of 5-6yr. olds in an enclosed space. They were a bit entertaining though, I must admit. Each time we hit a pothole(translation=every 5 seconds because this is NM) or a speed bump or rounded a curve, we were treated to a chorus of high pitched squeals. Every.single.time. Did I mention the high pitch? Have you heard a bunch of little girls squeal?
We make it to the Zoo, slightly deaf, and get into our designated groups. Hurricane H, me, and two little girls. One who instantly likes me and wants to hold my hand, lil' ms Jlo, and then the old lady in a 5yr. old body. Turns out she also has a map of the Zoo stored in her memory because she's been here a million times! Which makes sense because she's probably the Zoo founder who's been reincarnated. So, because she knows the Zoo by heart, she will boss her little minions around and all decisions will be approved through her.
I had to let lil ms Shirley McClain know I was the leader of this pack and I wasn't going to put up w/any type of insubordination, which was promptly reinforced by the Hurricane. Once I established dominance, we did pretty good. Until the pack leader got lost.
It all started in Africa. Which of course was the opposite of where lil ms Shirley McClain wanted to go. (Yes, I generally have to do the opposite of what I'm TOLD because I'm the one in control, especially when it comes to a 5yr. old)
Anyway, we tour through Africa to see the giraffes, lions, hippos, and other stinky creatures. Then we come upon the gorillas* who are working themselves into a frenzy.
*sidenote-I can.not.STAND. apes, gorillas, monkeys, any of those things. If I were allowed to hate something that is what it would be. I have an antipathy for... ok you get the picture.
We come upon these loathsome creatures and in my haste to avoid this exhibit at all costs, we go another path. Crisis averted. Then I notice that it is almost 11am which is the preset time for all to gather back at the park for lunch. Fine. Head back, eat lunch, see more stinkys, head home.
At this point the girls are dragging their feet and their lunch, pony tails are drooping, and they have decided that slow motion is good pace to walk. I didn't start to panic until we pass the hippos, again, and then, in attempting to take a different path I keep encountering dead ends. Now, call it an "active imagination", or "paranoia." Whatever. I am starting to freak out! These flippin' exhibits usually guide you around in a circle and dump you back onto a main street so you can start again.
But NO. Mrs. Pack leader, hear me roar, has to find the one exhibit under construction, therefore all paths are not complete, therefore, you are now a rat in a maze. Did I have that stupid easy button. NO. I have two pitiful little girls, crawling behind me, probably hoping they can get a new "mom" for the rest of the day. Hurricane is oblivious to anyone's plight and wants to stop and look at everything we've already seen, some twice. And I feel like I'm in a Wal-mart run Zoo, because where are all the chipper little Zoo people now that I need one? Which probably worked out for the best, since I would have been thrown out for throttling someone.
By now it is past 11 o'clock, and Africa is seriously starting to annoy me. My troops are pooped, hungry, and can smell fear. We did finally manage to make it out of the desert oasis alive and I am confident once again that I know where I'm going.
We find the rest of the class, who is finishing up their lunch, and I almost start weeping w/relief. H's teacher must have seen the panic in my eyes, or the frustration in my frazzled hair because she came right over to us. I told her we just couldn't get out of Africa through clenched teeth. And she laughed. She laughed and said, "Oh, listen to you!" I'm sorry, I didn't realize I was scheduled to appear at Laffs comedy club. (breathing, counting to 10)
After we finished lunch we spent the rest of our time about 20 feet from the Exit, where we were all supposed to meet up to leave. I guess I did ok, because lil ms 'Jlo gave me a hug, snot running down her face and fingers covered in hot cheetos dust. H asked when I would go to school w/him again. (ok, 2 out 3, give me a break) As for going on another field trip- Not a chance, baby!