Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Just Need To Vent

After my last trip to walmart, aka-My Living Hell, my husband forbid me from going there again w/o him. Or, even better, he said he would do the grcery shopping from now on. Woohoo! We did the shopping together last week and I came out of it more or less unscathed. So, I guess I was feeling brave on Fri. and I decided to make the trip myself w/the kids. Rele works nights and has now started school, so I didn't feel like it was fair for him to spend his one full day off doing the grocery shopping.
Needless to say, I didn't even get to park before there were issues. I get stuck behind the idiot that thinks a Stop sign means to PARK and wait. Then we get into the parking lot and he decides to stop. There was no sign. We had right of way, yet he stopped right in the middle. Idiot! Ok, so I go in the opposite direction and count to 1,000. I tell the kids to please be on "best behavior" so we can avoid a breakdown like the last time we were here.
I get my game face on and go in. Maybe there was a full moon that night, or maybe it's just because it's ghetto, but everyone seemed to be there for attention. You know the kind that want you to look at how funny or cute their bratty kid is, or the people that talk really loud so everyone can see what a good parent they are. My personal favorite, the couple in the aisle that are mauling each other. In the middle of the aisle. Are we supposed to be impressed?
So, we are almost done, the kids have been good, I just need cucumbers, bell pepper, and lettuce. Cucumbers. Check. Bell pepper. Check. Lettuce. Lettuce... We circled the produce section 3 times and there was not one single head of flippin' lettuce! Who doesn't have lettuce?!
Moving on. We get into line and of course have to choose from 5 registers that are open while the other 10 million are just there for decoration. Then it happens. People get in line behind us and they are "close shoppers." They stand so close I can smell their deodorant. They stand so close they had to have heard my conversation w/the cashier about how we need to put a blue line, like at the pharmacy, showing people where to stand until it's their turn. That must have been too subtle of a hint. They had their groceries so close the cashier couldn't find the divider thingy!
When we go to leave, I hit the Hurricane in the head w/the cart because they have us surrounded! My poor little guy is rubbing his head and that's it for me. I turn around and yell, "Golly guys! You could give us some here! How rude!"


The poor hubby calls in just as we are getting home and he got an earful. Why do I let this stuff happen to me? Why can't I go to the store w/o an incident? Am I doing something to bring this on myself? Should I be talking to a Dr. about meds? Can I order groceries online and have them dropped off at my door w/o any human interaction whatsoever?!
All the while I'm having a walmart induced breakdown, Rele is trying to calm me down, & the kiddos have finished unloading the car and have put the groceries away. (wipe tear from eye)
I don't deserve such great kids and I pray to God they don't turn out like me! I love, love, love my kids.


UFA said...

Ah yes, the close shopping cart...it's like a Seinfeld episode.

My favorite response is usually to ask, "what are you, a hemorrhoid?" I think I got that from my dad.

It's equally applicable in traffic, I wonder if there is a bumper sticker. Question people's belief on if they really think they are going to get there faster by violating you.

abqchunk said...

My mom saw one that said,"Do you follow this close to Jesus?"

Beckster said...

Wow, I never have that many "adventures" at wally world. I'm jealous;) Course I go way early in the morning..What was up with no lettuce? I've never heard of that..Anyways, good luck the next time you go and have a great day!!!


abqchunk said...

See!?! What is wrong w/me? I'm just too high strung and my expectations of people being civil is just too high.

Beckster said...

I gave up long ago being ticked at people at walmart...I can't help it that these people turn into inbreeds the second they hit the walmart parking lot...so why try to change it;)?


Danielle said...

You are not alone: I ALWAYS have weird,annoying,or frightening experiences at Wal-Mart! After my last visit, I too have made the vow to never venture there alone...we'll see how long that lasts though!